i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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