It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
