im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
