Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
