Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize