I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
