i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize