tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All the doctor said was why
Randomize