I have demons in me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
