first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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