: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
