I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the day after is always just damage control
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
