This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
