Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
