ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
