If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
