are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
