ADVERTISEMENT

• (650): View more from California

  Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah

  Fav 2 1987 1025

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

  Fav 66 845 4995

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (802): View more from Vermont

  Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

  Fav 29 1783 7327

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?

  Fav 16 4141 1445

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

  Fav 5 5463 1222

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent

  Fav 9 1286 4127

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide

  Fav 7 2736 913

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....

  Fav 6 2140 799

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...

  Fav 5 565 833

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break

  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.

  Fav 2 691 538

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I love you but I don't want to see you naked.

  Fav 3 311 546

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.

  Fav 0 27 82

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell

  Fav 1 76 8

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.

  Fav 7 79 13

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.

  Fav 2 89 2

  share tweet
  

Randomize