wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
