you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will pee on everything he values.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
