Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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