I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
