As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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