that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
