and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
