You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just googled if crying burns calories
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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