i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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