He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
