Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
