Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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