I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
