my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
