Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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