Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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