Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?

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(770): View more from Georgia

and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my phone cant type all the emotion im having

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

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(716): View more from New York

Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.

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