so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
