apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
