i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
