I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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