If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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