great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
