I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
