so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
