I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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