So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
