Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
