Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
love makes seman taste better
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
