you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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