I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
