angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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