oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you will always have a special place in my vag
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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