Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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