your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Randomize
