last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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