I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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