It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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