Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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