wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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