She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So vagazzling was a success
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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