it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
