My sheets look like a crime scene.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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