If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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