if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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