I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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