i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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