I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
