Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
