apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
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