i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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