Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
