I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
