I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
