hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
