dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
