Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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