It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
